In search of happiness....

Happiness! A word that can create hope & hopelessness in you depending on your state of mind.

I remember a beautiful explanation by Sister Shivani in this context.

A man says to himself, “I will be happy when I buy a new luxury car.” He buys one, sits in the car observing classic interiors, feeling comfort of cushioned seats, smiling in the cool breeze of air-conditioner, and thinks, “Wow. That is real happiness. I am a happy man now.” After a few moments, he receives a call from a relative telling about some bad incident happened in family. The same man, sitting in the same comfortable car, is not happy anymore.

Was it the car that gave him happiness? If it was the car, then he should have been able to be happy even after hearing the bad news. Does that mean his thoughts of being happy after getting the car was false? YES!

Today, we have started to buy happiness….our list never ends….and happiness never comes.

Material things can make us comfortable & help us be more productive. But they can’t give us happiness.

So, what is it that can make me happy? My inner self. My decision to stay happy irrespective of circumstances. My thoughts to be peaceful.

Happiness is not a series of joyful events. It’s the sense of peace & contentedness. Happiness is a combination of how satisfied you are with your life & how you feel on a day-to-day basis.

Image Source : Internet

You have the ability to control how you feel & with consistent practice, you can form life-long habits for a more satisfying & fulfilling life.
Here are some tips on enhancing this ability :

1. Enjoy this moment. Be mindful & notice good things around you, try to make the pleasurable experience last for as long as possible.
2. Be grateful. Appreciating what we have is the key to happiness. It fills us with optimism & self-confidence. Practice of gratitude can increase happiness levels by around 25%.
3. Have a goal/dream. Setting goals & believing that they are achievable promotes optimism & happiness. Having a sense of purpose & creating meaning in life contributes to happiness of a person.
4. Give. It is said that by giving, the giver, not the receiver reaps even more benefits.
5. Be compassionate. Being compassionate makes us less judgmental, less frustrated, and more patient. We listen to others, our relationships improve. It increases a sense of well-being & happiness.

In words of the Dalai Lama, happiness is not something ready made, it comes from your actions. Choose happiness today.

Active Listening

Listening is different than hearing. It is the ability to accurately receive & interpret messages in communication process.

How do we listen every day?

Scene 1 :

Rakhi is cooking food for dinner. Her son comes to her & says, “Mummy, you know what happened today in school?” He gets no reply from his mother. After pausing for a few moments he again tries to communicate, “Mummy, listen to me na.” Rakhi says annoyingly, “Speak up. I am listening.” Her son utters a few lines & leaves disappointed.

Scene 2 :

Shilpa is sitting in college canteen chatting with her boyfriend on mobile. Her friend Rekha comes to her in bad mood. Rekha wants to share her problem with Shilpa. Rekha says, “I am in too much of stress.” Shilpa nods without even looking at her. Suddenly Shilpa starts laughing at something shared by her boyfriend on mobile chat. Rekha feels humiliated & ignored & leaves the place.

Do these scenes look familiar? Do we too communicate this way? YES. Many times.

So, what can we do not to repeat such mistakes & be a good listener?

•  Stop talking when somebody else is talking, don’t interrupt/ talk over them/ finish their sentences for them.
• Focus on speaker, avoid distractions.
• Look & act interested.
• Help speaker feel free to speak, encourage by nodding & other gestures.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Listen to tone & volume to understand emphasis of what is being said.
• Listen for ideas, not just words.
• Watch non-verbal communication – gestures, facial expressions, body language.
• Provide feedback, paraphrase, clarify points, summarize.
• If you are really busy with some important work, tell it honestly & politely to the other person.
• Assert your opinions respectfully.

Effective listening requires concentration and use of other senses too - not just hearing the words spoken. It is a skill that is required for positive human relationships. Let’s spend some time thinking about & developing good listening skills.